Personal Growth

4 Things that Happened After I Met My Twin Flame (...or Nothing)

#1 : Nothing

Absolutely nothing happened. In fact, I realized that the person who I thought was my twin flame wasn’t. He was another person in my life who was a mirror for how poor my own personal boundaries were.

He didn’t take me to higher levels of consciousness or enlightenment. We didn’t meet to create some cosmic partnering to end the Universe, as we know it. The illusion of the “runner” and the “chaser” that has become all too common in Twin Flame Lore was simply a story.

The story of why he wasn’t ready and an excuse to justify my pursuit and interest. Surely, he would come around, Twin Flames do and end up in romantic partnership, right?

No, not right. They don’t even exist! They are a construct that we, in our humanness, have created to feed the lack of completion we feel.

And, we can say that we feel totally complete and whole, but if we did, I’m not even sure we would incarnate on Earth anymore. We would remember that we are God and this illusion would have ended.

The sooner we can stop buying into the story of a Twin Flame and someone who we are bound to partner with to raise us to a higher vibration/dimension/plane of existence, the sooner we jump off of the Disney band wagon.

#2: I am whole unto more nothing

My soul has not been split into one half and another half -  a masculine/feminine, an emanation of yin/yang energy. This belief shows that I am buying into the duality of the 3D plane.

Why would my soul need to split into two pieces to incarnate? Why not 4 pieces? Why not 56 pieces? Who says that two is the ideal number? And that all souls have evolved and split off from 144,000 original souls? Why would God/Source/Spirit make 144,000 souls to begin with? Is God obsessed with base 12 numbers?

Maybe…we do have a base 12 system to tell time.

But, I simply cannot believe in the “teaching” that gives me really specific numbers and values.

It doesn’t make sense and seems completely arbitrary. Almost as arbitrary as writing an article based on a list of four things. I just made up the four. It seemed like enough to get my point across.

Did God need 144,000 souls to get the point across to humanity?

#3: None of this is, really NOTHING

This world that we live in is a hologram. It is a magical light show that isn’t actually here.

We are imagining it all, as we are nestled up safe and sound with our dude, G.O.D.

We are dreaming.

Even our waking state is a dream.

Our ego is telling us that we are here and that all of this is real.

But, if we believe that the dreams we have at night, while we are asleep are merely the projection of our minds, how can we believe THIS is real?

Our entire world is composed of these holograms. We see it all the time in nuanced photography where a galaxy looks exactly like our eye ball. Or, the pattern in a flower exactly matches that of a cell replicating. The macro and microcosm are the same. We just can’t zoom out far enough from our human perspective to see the big picture.

If we are dreaming at night and these dreams are projections of our mind, can’t we reason that our waking life is merely a projection from something or somewhere bigger than us?

Yeah, I’m saying we aren’t even here.

So, if I’m not here, how can my Twin Flame help me reach some kind of point of completion or higher level of spiritual awakening?

#4: I Realized a Twin Flame is NOT Required for a Spiritually Conscious Relationship

I can have a partner, who is NOT my twin flame (for reasons already discussed) who is totally amazing. He, in my case, can be a reflection for me of where I want to grow and evolve. All his annoying bits are shreds of myself that I am unhappy with, projected on the outside (remember the hologram?).

He doesn’t have to sit and hold my hands and meditate with me creating a cosmic, interlocking sphere from our 3rd eyes through our chakra systems into the Earth grid and into the galactic interface of humanity to be exactly what I need or want in a partner.

All he has to do is be whole unto himself. He does his stuff, takes care of his weird projections that come out and make it seem like I am the problem, while I’m in the other room doing the same thing.

And, he gives me ample opportunities to practice forgiveness. The chose is mine and only mine.

In each moment, I get to decide whether or not to see this person as a projection of me and a part of me (remember, we’re all nestled up with the Notorious G.O.D. anyways) and forgive.

Then, I’ll eventually remember that this is all an illusion and I’ll actually have an opportunity to leave “psycho planet” as one of my fave authors, Gary Renard, calls this place. But, if I am sitting around thinking or waiting for this Twin Flame to appear, I’m merely trapping myself in the illusion.


Discovering My Inner Lionness

You’ll never know how much my heartbeat quickened when I saw your email. Or know of the waves of nausea that hit me at the same time.

After eight months of energetic work, set intentions, cut cords, here you were again.

You were like the Ghost of Spirituality Past, back to haunt me.

You. My first spiritual teacher. The one who I opened up to about the most dire elements of my life. You were the one who introduced me to the entire world that I inhabit today.

How did you change so quickly from the role of sage, guide and mentor to that of inquisitor, jury and judge?

You were upset that I didn’t ask you if I should move and that I didn’t follow your advice regarding a relationship.

You told me that my sexual behaviors were wrong and I was energetically corrupted. You said that I was a joke and all my family and friends knew it.

The things you admonished me for weren’t even true and didn’t affect you in any way.

So why were you reaching out to me? To slap my hand? To punch me in the energetic gut? To clear your conscious?

Interestingly, you had given a different perspective than I may have had. You complained and berated and bashed and condemned a former student of yours to me a while back. One who hadn’t “followed your advice.” You tore her to shreds for not doing what you told her.

And here I sit, as you attempt to do the same to me.

But, I’m not her. I’m not going to engage in your petty games of control and delusion.

My reply to you was simple enough: “Do not contact me again via electronic means or otherwise.”

Your Scorpio soul wanted to pull me into the depths with you, but I wasn’t willing to go for the swim.

Lions don’t swim.

I felt so much freedom when I sent you that message. The previous months had been a passive route of disengagement. Unfriending and unfollowing you but not dealing with your passive-aggressive behaviors directly was not enough.

But, a lioness doesn’t concern herself with the opinion of the sheep. So I paid you little heed.

You wanted me to be one of your sheep and blindly follow whatever you said or suggested. But, that’s not my style.

I lead the pack. I am the lioness of my own pride.

Hitting send meant that I was done with you and your manipulations.

I should have known the Universe has an interesting sense of humor and, like any good villain, you would make a dramatic reappearance.

Much to my surprise, you gingerly made your way down the steps to where I was seated at a lakeside spiritual retreat. You had showed up in a foreign country at the same event I was at, seriously?

How was this happening?

You surely saw my pulse quicken and my skin thum-thum-thum against my heart threatening to escape. You had to have felt the anger, annoyance and disbelief radiating off me like the sun off hot pavement.

I centered myself as you took your seat and took a deep breath. I never imagined air filling my body to be so nourishing.

As the topic of the course became more specific, I laughed and laughed. Not out loud, where you’d hear me, but internally.

We were immersed in a course about just the topic you had told me I wasn’t “spiritual” for doing. You know, how all my “loose” behaviors had created negative energy and were attracting entities to me.

My laughter danced through my soul as you were called to confront your demons regarding sexuality, femininity and masculinity.

The time for looking in the mirror was here, Ghost of Spirituality Past.

We had plenty of opportunities to break bread. Maybe we should have. But, I choose not to associate with you or feed in to your energetic games.

I would not be where I am today without you. I’ll always be eternally grateful for all you exposed me to and taught me about. Even your absurd behaviors were beneficial for me to learn from.

You don’t get to me anymore. The thought of you, now, elicits compassion and sadness for all you must have faced and be facing to treat those around you with such flippancy and disdain.

But, that isn’t enough to stop me from hoping, on a semi-regular basis, to have completed any karmic work with you this time around

Kudos to you for putting me “on blast,” as you call it. In doing so, you helped me find the lioness within.

Because of Your Darkness, I Can Now See the Light

The million thank-you’s I am now just able to offer are not always enough to wash away the heartache, confusion and grief I felt when I was with you.

We called what we had a relationship. But, now I question if you ever saw it that way or if our definitions were too far from one another to ever coalesce.

From the beginning, your focus was on you. What you want and when you wanted it, with little regard for anyone but yourself.

Those instances when you were able to keep your fingertips from throttling the bottle were tolerable and nearly enjoyable.

The joy was hard to accept knowing that it would so quickly evaporate and leave me wondering if it ever really existed at all.

As I would watch you sip from the Big Gulp, ¾ full of booze and ¼ full of pop, I began to brace myself.

However, I believed I had to be a pliable branch. To be a tree that bent in the breeze, never to break. So, that is how I lived my life for over a year.

On the outside, I had a job I was great at, was meeting new people in a new place, and dove more deeply into learning about spirituality.

I accepted, graciously, from the Universe and moved through my life, not allowing myself to be dragged down by you.

Not on the time when you were 90 minutes late to pick me up at the airport you lived 20 minutes away from.

Nor did I lose my mind, the many times I came home and had no idea where you were and you wouldn’t respond to any calls or messages I sent you.

My life continue on an even keel as you tipped drastically close to the chasm, calling me names, telling me I was worthless and that you could go out and meet and hook up with as many women as you wanted.

I stayed with you because I believed that I had to help you. My purpose was to help you see the real demons you carried on your back. If I was just patient enough, you’d be able to.

You helped me learn about myself and I hope, on a regular basis, that I learned it all that time around. I surely do not want the Universe to grant me the opportunity to learn those truths again. To show my gratitude, I utter the million “thank you’s” in hopes that the Universe knows I’ve got it.

As I zoom out to understand why, I know that we agreed to play a particular role in one another’s life. I know we had differences to work out. I am certain that I asked you to do what you did so I could come out the winner this time.

I’ve seen flashes of another life we had together where I had to stay by your side until death parted us; after which time I had a wild celebration at your passing.

Somehow, I made it through the storm with only a few hairs out of place. No one was able to see below the surface where I paddled madly until I couldn’t paddle anymore.

Today, all my hairs are in place, on the rare occasion I actually comb them.

My life is full of absolute joy that is no longer threatened with impending darkness.

You helped me to clear out the old to make way for the new. You helped me to find a new pathway that is a better fit for me than any I could have discovered with you.

For all the times I wanted to hurt you, as much as you hurt me, I’m glad I didn’t. That would have filled me sorrow, guilt and left us connected.

Thank you for darkening my vision to allow me to better see the light.